


Heavy Thoughts

by astrxd



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Based upon Race to the Edge Season 2 Episode 1, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/M, Team Astrid ficlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 11:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8977003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrxd/pseuds/astrxd
Summary: “How do I... make this feeling go away?” she asked. Her chest felt tight and heavy, as if she were drowning. It wasn’t a pleasant sensation whatsoever. It could be described as a voracious, wild Terrible Terror viciously gnawing at her insides, while a Changewing discreetly flew around her head to haunt her for the choices she made that contributed to the destruction of her home… and the almost-destruction of the only family she had left.(Follows Astrid’s thoughts that first evening spent on Berk after learning of the ambush that destroyed the Hofferson home, as well as her conversation with Stoick.)





	

 

Astrid’s heavy gaze drifted towards the other riders and their dragons. In one swift motion, she peeled her blanket off of her legs, pushed herself to her feet, and swept her axe from the cold stone flooring.

If she couldn’t sleep… she could at least make herself useful.

Astrid strode towards the exit with silent footsteps. Upon reaching the arch, she turned very briefly glanced over her shoulder, taking in the sight of her friends. _Supporting_ her. It wasn’t verbal support, but Astrid didn’t need words. The act of merely keeping her company… That was enough. They were there for her day and night, and always seemed to be around when trouble came along. She supposed that trouble had a strange way of finding them, but _still._ It was like a strange metaphor, like the ones that Tuff would conjure out of thin air.

_Astrid needed to protect the people she cared about. She had to constantly be there. ...Didn’t she?_

Astrid faced forward and held her chin high as she made her way down to the village. There was a slight furrow to her brow as she passed by the houses--in tact, not in shambles, and completely stable--that lined the streets of Berk.  
  
Her frustration, however, was not jealousy or envy or spite channeled towards the vikings currently slumbering away within their abodes, but her irritation was directed towards her apparent incapability to preserve what the proud structures represented: the warmth and care of a family, always supportive and protective of one another.  
  
Every cabin and hut that she passed emanated a warm, yellow glow--a sign of life, in an an otherwise lifeless shell. It was a sign of the bonds and values forged between the people who slept behind those wooden doors. Eventually, Astrid had walked past the Hofferson house…

Or at least, what _remained_ of it.

The blonde stopped in her tracks and assessed the damage. The singed wood, the grey ashes, the dulled colors… Her fingers curled tighter around her axe. If her parents were home, or if she were on Berk…

Astrid pried her eyes away from the debris and squeezed them shut as she forced herself to continue walking. She was neck deep in her own thoughts when a familiar voice swiftly, calmly cut through them.

“Can’t sleep, eh?”

She didn’t stop walking, but her back did straighten itself. Astrid looked over her shoulder to see none other than the chief, Stoick the Vast.

He wasn’t asleep either, evidently enough.

“Not a wink,” she admitted, dropping her gaze again. The words slipped from her tongue accompanied by a quiet, almost inaudible sigh.

“Can’t stop thinking about what you might have done to prevent the attack?”

Astrid subtly kicked at a rock and remained silent, not answering the question. It didn’t seem as if Stoick was expecting an answer, anyway--he just continued speaking after a beat. Soon, there was a warm, unexpected weight on her shoulder, applying a pressure meant to be reassuring. It was a kind gesture, one that could only be attributed to fatherly concern. Only then did Astrid stop walking to actually look her chief in the eye.

She saw his age painted across his features, but she also saw something deeper than that. He was worried about her, that was obvious. Still, Astrid couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t just being the chief, addressing the problems of one of his people. It felt like... more.

“There’s nothing you could have done,” he told her, issuing a gentle squeeze before sliding his hand down her arm. “You know that.”

“I know that up here,” Astrid responded, lifting her finger towards her head, “but in my gut…”

“You still blame yourself,” Stoick concluded. “Aye. I know the feeling. We’re warriors, you and I. Sworn to protect.” Astrid furrowed her brow, then looked at him properly. Her voice almost conveyed that she was pleading for answers, which was technically showing weakness to her chief.

But it didn’t feel like she was talking to her chief. She was just talking to Stoick the Vast.

“How do I... make this feeling go away?” she asked. Her chest felt tight and heavy, as if she were _drowning._ It wasn’t a pleasant sensation whatsoever. It could be described as a voracious, wild Terrible Terror viciously gnawing at her insides, while a Changewing discreetly flew around her head to haunt her for the choices she made that contributed to the destruction of her home… and the almost-destruction of the only family she had left.

Surely, Stoick would have experience in this sort of situation. He was the chief, after all--it would make sense that crippling self condemnation was something he’s had deal with. Astrid could only imagine the things that could instigate such a reaction from such a strong man.

But then again, the blonde was rather positive that she had been around to witness one of the heaviest of blows dealt to the man’s heart. It was an event that dated back three years, give or take, but it was one that she doubted he would forget. She herself couldn’t forget, either.

“You don’t,” Stoick revealed, “You can’t. So, you own it. You remember it. You do everything you can-” At that, Astrid dropped her eyes. She didn’t do everything in her power to prevent it in the first place. She didn’t anticipate an attack on her parents, which was completely thoughtless of her! How she had let them slip her mind was beyond her, and people insinuated that she was being hard on herself… But in her opinion, she should be more harsh about it. The blonde was mildly surprised to feel the calloused hand of a seasoned warrior, a mighty chief, and a _father_ gently take her chin to tilt it upwards. “-to make sure you never feel it again.”

Astrid could only muster another sigh, her lips perpetually curved in a frown and her brow scrunched up. Despite her somber reaction, she felt gratitude swell and expand in her chest at Stoick’s words.

“Come on. I’ll check the docks with ye,” Stoick stated as he set his hand on her back to lead the way towards Berk’s shoreline. He knew what she was doing, what her intention was, without so much as even asking. Based on context and her path alone… He correctly determined that she was heading towards the docks to scout for any uninvited guests. Stoick seemed to note her heavy thoughts, and his next words were more on the lighthearted side, rather than inspirational. Either way, she didn’t mind--it was uplifting all the same.

“He talks a lot about ye, ye know,” Stoick remarked. Astrid’s gaze flickered over to the chief in silent question, but she could have sworn that she spotted the tiniest smile behind that red beard. Were they really going to have this conversation? “At least, when ‘e is around. If it’s not dragons and inventions ‘n all that, it’s usually you.” ‘Dragons and inventions’ confirmed her suspicions.

_Hiccup._

Semi-incredulous, Astrid scoffed. It was more dismissive than anything--not that she would dismiss her chief, but it was an impulse. Besides, she was trying to think--though her thinking was interrupted by a low, rumbling chortle.

“Ye don’t believe me, eh? Understandable, I s’pose.”

“No, no--I’m not saying you’re--it’s just that…” Astrid managed, slightly alarmed with what Stoick was assuming she was saying. Such a display of disrespect would surely have her punished, so she consistently kept herself in line around people of authority. “Sir, I’m not questioning your-”

Again, hearty laughter rang in her ears, and effectively cut off her half-baked thought. “Come now, Astrid. Ye needn’t call me sir,” he said. “While a chief’s work is ne’er finished, his first duty is to his people, and yer practically family. Call me Stoick.”

Astrid seemed hesitant, but she nodded. _Family,_ Astrid thought. She was... just going to assume that the entire village fell under that category, mostly because she desperately didn’t want to blow the situation out of the water. A silence washed over them as the docks came into view, and as the sound of the rolling ocean drifted through the crisp air. It wasn’t until they actually arrived that their conversation picked back up.

“He… looks up to you. A lot. He’s going to make a great chief someday,” Astrid mentioned, rather off offhandedly. It was quiet, but it was firm all the same. ‘Princess Outpost’--or the tyrant, as the other riders recently adopted--was exercising his leadership skills on a daily basis. It was an inherent trait, she supposed, one that probably ran in the family. The blonde glanced at her chief--Stoick--as if she could analyze all of his emotions with a fleeting glimpse.

“Aye,” he nodded. There was _pride_ in his voice, and Astrid didn’t expect anything less. “He is. He will. I don’t doubt that.”

She sucked in a long breath.

“Do you think he’d be mad if… if I stayed?” Astrid said, something akin to tentative confidence in her tone. It was just a thought, one that was still stirring in her crowded mind. While it would have been easier to just ask for Hiccup’s opinion on her idea, Astrid had her reasons to suspect that he’d try to snake his way into her plans. This was a decision that she had to make on her own--without his input.

“...Well, no. If I know my son, he’d just be a wee bit disappointed.”

Astrid arched an eyebrow at him.

“Okay, okay, quite a bit. Ye can’t blame ‘em, though. The lad is fond of ye and yer company. He’d probably insist on staying behind, as well,” Stoick hypothesized, a furrow forming in his brow as he contemplated the possible outcomes of her remaining on Berk. To her surprise, he didn’t question her motives or reason for wanting to remain on Berk. Even so, Astrid felt as if her idea needed to be bounced off of somebody else. As independent as she was...

She wanted to know that she could actually make a difference. Again: Astrid knew that anything was possible up _there,_ but in her gut… Recently, her gut has been shredded up by Terrors.

“Probably.” Astrid nodded and stifled a quiet laugh. It didn’t seem right to laugh, not at a time like this. She waited a moment, the air around her both eager and hesitant.

“I want to train new riders,” she announced only seconds later, turning to face the chief. All traces of sorrow and regret disappeared from her face, and all that was left was unadulterated determination. Those feelings, as Stoick had explained only moments ago, could only fuel her further. Odin damn her before she let herself wallow in her own grief for the sake of feeling bad. “To protect Berk, when we’re not around.”

Stoick seemed shocked, but… impressed. So she continued.

“Now that we’ve made peace with the dragons, we’re facing different threats. Berk’s defense system is still somewhat primarily based to protect and _against_ dragons _._ While we’ve made some strides in our technology and changed our methods, catapults and close-ranged weapons just aren’t cutting it anymore. Dagur--or whoever was behind this--is getting stronger. And we’re starting to _slack_.” Astrid asserted, her once doleful disposition now missing _._ Not that she missed it, anyway.

“It’s not enough to fend off other vikings. Not with you and your lot so far away,” Stoick contemplated as he thoughtfully stroked his beard. Astrid’s face lit up the slightest bit--he was getting it. He understood her.

“Right _._ And if we have another squad of dragon riders that can protect _Berk…”_

 _“_ Then they can continue to train the rest a’the villagers. Aye.”

“Yes, _exactly._ If I could just recruit a group of other willing vikings and spend some time training them, then we’d have our... Our auxiliary _._ The only problem is--”

“Hiccup would refuse to let you stay alone-”

“Even though the Edge needs to be defended too-

“But he would insist because he’s _-”_

 _“Hiccup,”_ the two finished in unison.

It was an interesting conversation. It was almost like they were _ranting_ about the young Haddock, but in a fond, endearing manner. Astrid allowed herself a meager smile and Stoick returned it with one of his own. The blonde decided to take that as support for her idea, and continued to mull over it. Soon, she looked out towards the sea again, only to fortify her resolve by telling herself that there were too many threats out there. Too many enemies--too many forces that could easily outsmart them with a little effort.

This was something she needed to do. _For Berk._

“...Boarheaded, Hiccup is. I couldn’t be prouder of my boy,” Stoick mused, breaking the silence. “I’ll be proud te call ye my daughter in law, too, ye know.”

Astrid nearly choked.

Her jaw went slack. She didn’t think it was possible, but all of her thoughts evaporated into utter disbelief. It was one thing to give this talk to another rider, but to her chief _,_ the _father_ of the person in question… She composed herself in record time, while her response was automatic and patently rehearsed.

“We’re just-”

“Friends?” Stoick interjected. A wry smirk seemed to pull at his lips. “The lad told me the same thing. I may be old, but I’m no fool,” he pressed, while Astrid resorted to scanning the horizon for any ships to appear busy, if only for a moment. It was dark, but light enough for any masts to be illuminated by the moon. She focused her attention on several things: Berk. Her family. The potential auxiliary. Making sure that nobody ever had to feel the same regret that she did-- _not_ her relationship with Hiccup _._ That wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have with his _father._

 _Daughter in law._ Astrid caught her lip between her teeth--she was eighteen _._ She knew that people suspected things, but Stoick _?_ How was that even possible? They’ve hardly been on Berk whatsoever--

Astrid grimaced.

_They’ve hardly been on Berk._

All at once, her expression darkened, and a volley of emotion rained down upon her. She adored The Edge, and she loved being out _there,_ where adventure was always following them, but Berk… Berk would always be home. She couldn’t think about anything _else_ that she’d become if she were to become the chief’s _daughter in law_ , as interesting as it would be to entertain the thoughts of what was to come in the future _._ Astrid simply could not, not when the future as of that moment involved a defenseless Berk.

When she didn’t respond, he piped up again.

“You’ll figure it out in the mornin’, I know it. The two a’ye make a mighty team. Fierce, even.”

While the conversation had been significantly lightened, it definitely took a rather sharp turn. She couldn’t fight the faint blush that flooded the apples of her cheeks, but she was headstrong, and she willed herself to stay focused. She kept her gaze trained on the ocean. Besides, what was she _supposed_ to say to him? ‘You’re completely right, I’m dating your son and I intend on keeping it that way, but I don’t want to talk about that right now because I have to protect the island first’?

“...Yeah,” she finally responded. “Yeah, we do.”

...

Astrid couldn’t handle any distractions--there was simply too much work to be done. Even as she focused on her plans throughout the night, the words of the great Stoick the Vast lingered in the back of her mind as she sat in the Training Academy, in a position similar to the one that she initially rose from. She wouldn’t mind having another fatherly figure in her life.

It was all the more reason to strive to protect Berk.


End file.
